you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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