The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
