Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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