I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
