Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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