home. puking in laundry basket.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
