I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
