There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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