HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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