I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
