On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
