I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
