I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
