just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
