I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
