She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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