In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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