I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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