I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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