He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
