sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Boobs are out for the taking
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
did i just pee glitter
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
