No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
