You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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