Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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