hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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