OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
why do cheetos always look like penises
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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