I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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