none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
