you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
