the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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