sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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