listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
