she was so not down for the gang bang
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's blow job season.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
