I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
