I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
