dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
