You can't motorboat a personality
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
