Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize