i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
