im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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