You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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