my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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