dude i'm inner monologue high
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
