but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
