why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
wow bdsm is so cute
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize