I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
