Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We had to coat check the pizza.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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