Pappa wants mamma naked
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
