I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How does one acquire holy water?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
