He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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