I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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