Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
