You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
