Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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