I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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