Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
