Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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