Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
