I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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