hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
