he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize