What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
