Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
