She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
