You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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