There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize