Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
