I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
