Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
