My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
