It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
