i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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