I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
