Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
